Interview with the East Coast's leading dating advisor.

(Transcribed by Bob)

S: This is a very exciting first issue of switched-on we have today and I have to admit I'm a little nervous. We're going to dive right into the seamy underbelly of dating with an interview with the East Coast's number one dating advisor, who just goes by the name "Wendy", apparently, just like "Cher", she's so famous, she only needs the one name. Bob is going to take notes and record the whole thing for us, transcribing it so we can put it up on the website, isn't that right, Bob?

(Bob's notes: I nodded here)

S: All right. And here we are. Dating is something that we all like to do, but who knows if we're really doing it right. Or if we are, who knows if the other person is doing it right. And together? We're probably not doing that right. It's hard to say when you're not a world famous dating advisor. Hello, there, ma'am. Are you Wendy?

Wendy: Uhm. There is no Wendy, actually.

S: Oh. Right. Sort of a pseudonym. A name you work under. I get it.

Wendy: Really, it's the name of the restaurant.

S: Restaurant?

Wendy: It's a casual dining restaurant.

S: Really. Fantastic. I was supposed to meet a young lady in Brown here named Wendy.

Wendy: We all sort of wear brown. It's the uniform. Can I get you, like, a biggie fries or something.

(Bob's notes: I order a biggie Fries)

S: Are you familiar with Wendy, the East Coast's most famous and celebrated dating expert?

Wendy: No. I can get you a triple, though. They're these square hamburgers. They're good, actually.

S: I defer to you. I have a ton of questions to ask you.

Wendy: These aren't about food, right?

S: I could write some of those. Dating Scenarios, mostly. Our readers are dying to know what you have to say about common dating problems.

Wendy: I don't know what I know about dating. I don't think I can be of any help. Are you paying for your friend?

(Bob's notes: I had two dollars before. I don't know what happened to them. I don't ever want to be a leach. I will pay him back)

S: Absolutely. If you join us at the table and answer a few questions, the whole meal is on us.

Wendy: I sort of eat free here. And I don't think I'm supposed to hang out with the customers.

S: I completely understand. This first question was a killer, anyway. I doubt even the real Wendy, expert dating advisor, could have answered it.

Wendy: Really? What is it? It can't be that hard.

S: All right. Here's the setup. You really like someone. They say they love you, but it's too soon. How do you slow the relationship down without killing it?

Wendy: Oh, wow, that totally happened to me. That's like, psychic or something, because that was my whole last relationship. In a nutshell.

S: And what did you do?

Wendy: I think I screwed it up. Look, I can probably come sit with you guys for a little bit. My manager is gone and it's dead in here.

S: fantastic.

(Bob's notes: I am going to need one of those Frosties, I think. Again, I think I'm good for it, money-wise)

Wendy: It's just hard, you know? You can't unsay things. And if some guy is too into you too fast it just feels wrong, why can't they wait?

S: Wait for what? What should they be waiting for?

Wendy; The right time, you know. For everything, there's a right time.

S: ok, now we're getting somewhere. What's the right time?


Wendy: Eeeee. That's the hard thing. I don't know. It's like, everyone has to be on the same schedule. I think that's what makes a healthy relationship. When everyone is on the same timeline, you know? Nobody's too fast and nobody's too slow.

S: Right. What would be too slow?

Wendy: Whatever I think is too pokey. Gotta keep up.

S: What is too fast, then?

Wendy: If I'm like, hold on, cowboy. That's too speedy. Put your pants on.

S: So this seems like a pretty subjective thing?

Wendy: I Guess so. I personally just want a guy who can sort of match my speed and work with me.

S: So, paying attention, moving along with you, there, kind of?

Wendy: Does your friend ever talk?

(Bob's notes: I'm eating.)

S: His name is Bob. He's here to write the whole thing down for us.

(Bob's notes: And I'm working. I just happen to be eating at the same time. Haven't you ever seen anyone do two things at the same time. Some of us can, you know. Watch. Here. I'm eating and writing the whole thing down AND scratching my butt. Three things. At the same time. Wow. Call the carnival.)

Wendy: He's just kind of glaring at us now.

S: Bob is a total professional.

(Bob's notes: Thank you. I'm so glad someone noticed. I'm going to get some of those chicken things, now, so I'm going to have to make up the next part)

Wendy: And He's really hot

S: Excuse me?

Wendy: Your friend Bob. He's totally my type

S: Well, He's most people's type. He's a very suave and attractive guy, really.

Wendy: I suppose all the girls really go for him, huh?

S: Pretty much. I don't really get jealous. Some people have it and some don't.

Wendy; Well, he sure has it.

(Bob's notes: I'm back now. Picking up.)

Wendy: …So then I just left and didn't ever talk to him again

S: Is that easier? Is it easier to never see someone again after a breakup or do you like to stay friends?

Wendy: For me, it's always been easier to just get some distance. And then I can be friends again sometime in the future.

S: How long does that take?

Wendy: It's so different for different people. You know, I just like to wait until the feelings don't hurt anymore. If I can see a guy with his new girlfriend and not freak out, it's probably ok to hang with him.

S: Another extremely subjective thing.

Wendy: What about you? What do you do?

S: Hm. I never thought about it. I guess it's different with different people.

Wendy: That's what I'm saying. The guy I'm with right now has a crazy ex who comes by here sometimes.

S: So you're not just a dating expert, you're a dater, too?

Wendy: Sometimes I think I'm not too much of either one.

S: So it's not going well in your relationship?

Wendy: You know what it is? It's jealousy. Jealousy is so hard.

S: What do you do when you feel jealous?

Wendy: That's what I'm trying to figure out. I think it's like what they say in Anger Management classes. I had to take on of those when I dumped a bucket of mustard on Marcus in February because he made fun of my shoes. We talked about how you can have permission to be angry but that doesn't excuse ACTING angry. I think you can BE jealous- everyone is at one time or another. It's whether or not you ACT jealous.

S: That's pretty good. I think that makes a lot of sense.

Wendy: And so I'm working on that right now.

S: How do you do that?

Wendy: I think you need to think about what it is that is making you jealous and just overcome it.

S: Like Jedi Mind control.

Wendy: I don't know what that is.

S: It's a star wars thing.

Wendy: I never get out of here to see movies. I should probably get back to work. Look, thanks for all this. It's actually kind of helpful just talking about it.

S: No, thank you.

(Bob's notes: Please, don't anybody thank me for actually sitting here and writing all this crap down.)

Wendy: Stop by again some time. I'll be here.

S: So that was Wendy, world famous Dating advisor. No idea she was a world famous dating advisor. Isn't that always the way with great people. They so often just don't know the depths of their greatness. Isn't that right, Bob?

(Bob's Notes: Hey, look. Someone noticed me sitting here. Wow. Let me just put my pants on and come over to the adults' table. Thank you. )