Letters from the Switched on "The Plain old Dating Issue" issue

Dear Switched on,

Girls think I am a great guy. They love to hang out with me and my cell phone has mostly girl's numbers in it. The big problem is that every one of them thinks I am a friend. No one thinks of me as someone to date. I am someone to date. Am I in the Friend zone forever?

Signed,
Zoned

Dear Zoned.
There's a lot of talk about the friend zone, but the truth is that a lot of people who end up together started out as friends. It's possible to cross the "great friend divide" and turn a friendship into a romance. Often it requires figuring out what that person likes about you and making yourself important to them that way. Historically, there have been a lot of times when someone just woke up and realized that they couldn't stand to be away from someone they thought was just a friend. The problem may be that the people you are friends with don't realize that you want more. This could be a good time to take stock of what you have going for you and talk it over, figuring out how you can best use your good qualities to remind the people in your life that you're a good catch. Once you start cataloguing what your friends are looking for, too, you might see where you can take things to the next level.

To the people at Switched On,

I've liked this guy for about a year now. He lives down the block from me and we're in some of the same classes. I walk to school with him sometimes and I think he likes me. He won't talk about it and I can't. I am thinking of writing a letter to him anonymously. Is this a good idea?

Signed,
Anonymouse.

Dear Anonymouse,

When we want to talk to someone about how we feel, that's only one part of it. Sometimes what we really want is to hear someone say how they feel about us. This means that the communication we have with them has to do a job- it has to eliminate the confusion a little bit- tell us something. The problem with anonymous letters is that they tend not to do the job. You have to ask yourself, if you send a letter and there is no way for him to respond, how are you going to feel? Maybe rather than an anonymous letter telling everything, just a real letter telling him what you feel comfortable telling him. This way you can give him a way to respond- you can get some kind of an answer.

Switched folk,

I like to read so I spend a lot of time on the web. A few months ago I met this guy online. He's really funny and we've started emailing every day. We instant message all the time and started text messaging to each other's phones last week. He told me that he wants to meet me and I really want to meet him, too. He seems like he might be someone I could be close with. I've seen pictures and so has he. The problem is that he's blown me off for meeting twice now. Should I be freaked out?

Signed,
A little freaked out.

Dear a little,
Hopefully, you are staying safe when you meet people for the first time from the web. People can be anyone they want to be online, which is why it can be exciting and liberating. It can also be deceiving. If he has no really good reason for why he hasn't met with you even though you planned it, there may be a problem with what he told you lining up with reality. http://www.safeteens.com/ has articles on how to be safe when you meet with people you know from online. Generally it's a good plan to meet in public, with friends or family with you the first few times you are able to see someone you met online. Could he be lying about something? Yes. Is he for sure? No. If he is cool, he won't mind you staying safe. If he's not, you'll be glad you did.